Friday, June 23, 2017

Some Days

Some days it feels like Aeson has lived here his entire life.

Some days I wonder when it's going to feel normal again.


Some days I feel like a whiney brat when I want to complain about whatever difficult time we're going through because, in the grand scheme of things, my worst day thus far has been one million times easier than a lot of other adoptive families' best day.

Some days I remember that, no matter what, adoption is hard and it's ok to vent.


Some days I get frustrated when Aeson still doesn't know how to do something.

Some days I remember it's only been six months and give the kid a little grace, lady.


Some days I look at Aeson and my heart is filled with all the feels.

Some days I pray for the day I feel the same love for him that I feel for my daughters.


Some days I watch all three kids play and think, finally our family is complete.

Some days I wish for the days before Aeson came home.


Some days I wonder if I'm cut out for this special needs parenting thing.

Some days I think, look at me, I've totally got this.


Some days I feel like we are no different than any other family.

Some days I wonder if we'll ever fit in again.


Some days I think Aeson is the most popular kid in his school.

Some days I fear he will never have friends who invite him to birthday parties or come over on weekends to play.


Some days I have grand plans that Aeson will grow up, live on his own and have a job.

Some days I wonder if he will ever grasp the concept that that is the letter A, dammit!!!


Some days Aeson is so capable I forget that he has Down Syndrome.

Some days, when he's struggling, I have to remind myself that he does have Down Syndrome and I need to reset my expectations.


Some days people tell us we are saints and how we've done this amazing thing they could never do.

Some days I wonder if we aren't just bat sh*t crazy.


Some days I am positive I'm a horrible person for feeling the way I sometimes do.

Some days I remember that everything I'm feeling is perfectly normal.


Aeson has been home for six months.  Six months...


Some days that feels like a lifetime ago.

Some days it feels like it was just yesterday that a scared, quiet little boy walked through our front door.


I was told to set our expectations of life once Aeson got home very low and then lower them.  And lower them again.  And lower them once more.  And maybe, just maybe, with our expectations sitting in a mile deep hole way beneath the surface of the earth, we wouldn't be disappointed by our new reality.  The truth?  Aeson has blossomed in every way possible and in more ways than I ever thought possible.  We have truly been blessed with the only high functioning, well-adjusted, happy, healthy, special needs Ukrainian orphan on the face of the planet.  I haven't written a whole lot in the last six months because Aeson has settled in so nicely that every day life just seems, well, boring.  I've got nothing exciting to report.  (Trust me, the magnitude of that is not lost on me.)


Some days are amazing.

Some days are definitely better than others.

Some days just downright suck.  


But every day Aeson knows that he is home and he is loved.

And every day that's all that matters.