The Final Countdown

We are so close to Charlie that I can almost taste it.  We are fully funded and went for our USCIS (Customs and Immigration) fingerprints on Wednesday.  We drove over an hour to get to this place for our 9 am appointment, walked in at 8:45 and were back in the car by 8:59.  I texted our facilitator to let her know we had those done and she told me to start calling USCIS and bugging them for an officer.  When I had called a couple weeks prior we still had not been assigned an officer, our home study hadn't been matched to our application and they had sent us a letter requesting more documents before they could proceed.  

I called USCIS, gave whoever answered our case number and she told me, "Hold, please; I'll connect you to your officer."  We had an officer????!!!!!  I left a message with Officer M. and when she called me back the next day she informed me that she had reviewed our file, all looked good and that, once she got our fingerprints on Wednesday, she mailed our approval letter out the same day.  For those of you who don't know, this is absolutely unheard of.  The average wait time for approval is 75 days.  And that's once you've been assigned an officer.  Which can take weeks in and of itself.  If I could have reached through the phone and hugged Officer M. (who, by the way, was extremely friendly and helpful) I would have.  I can't tell you for sure how many times I thanked her but it had to have numbered in the thousands.  

As I texted Hubby and our facilitator to update them, the butterflies hit.  

In the beginning I was 51% terrified and 49% excited.  As we moved through the paperwork and things proceeded relatively easily, the scales shifted to 25% terrified and 75% excited.  I'll be honest, now that I know travel dates are looming on the very near horizon, terrified is back with a vengeance.  Before, this was all paperwork with an occasional picture of a very cute little boy.  But now that picture of that cute little boy is about to be replaced by the ACTUAL little boy.  

Sh*t just got real, y'all.  

The last of our dossier will be mailed next week and that's it.  There is nothing left to do but wait for travel dates.  So, as we end the paper chase part of this journey and enter the next phase, I'm praying for lots of peace and sanity.  (And wine.  I'm not gonna lie.  Because hey, sometimes, when all else fails - wine.)  I'm praying for the strength to use those butterflies for good and not for evil.  To focus on the goal and not get bogged down in the doubts, because daily it could go either way.  

Ready or not, Charlie, here we come!!!      

Family

Aven spent this past week at camp and brought home all of the crafts they'd made.  One was a "family tree" picture.

She has me, her dad, all three sisters and, at the top of the "tree", she included Ason, which is what we have decided Charlie's name will be (we are going to spell it Aeson, which is Greek for a man who was given a second youth.  Pretty fitting, huh?).  She did this herself, without any prompting or any "and who else is in your family?".  I cannot begin to tell you how much it means to me that, as we impatiently await his arrival, when asked to name her family, Charlie is just naturally a part of it. 

Life Balance

I've found that life comes in seasons.  Sometimes those seasons last only weeks, sometimes the season seems like it will never end.  And every season has a theme.  This season can best be described by the quote below:

I feel like every day I am doing okay.  Just okay.  We aren't jumping ship yet but neither am I going to fill journals with all the wonderful things each day here lately brought.  I'm not sure when the day got so short but there is just not enough time for everything.  And I'm not talking about fun stuff like swimming at the beach or weekly massages.  I'm talking about the mundane every day.  When did doing what you need to do begin to occupy so much time that there isn't any left for the things you want to do???

The thing is, I'm not unhappy with my life.  I love what I do, my family, where we live.  I just feel like the amount of time I'd like to devote to each of those things every day adds up to more than 24 hours.

It's all a means to end; I get that.  This season will pass just like the rest of them.  I just hope, at the end of it, that my children will forgive me for yelling too much, for hugging too little, for being a bit too distracted and hurried...

The next season of life will be a beautiful one.  And this current one?  It serves as a beautiful reminder that sometimes it's okay if some days all you can be is okay.  

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

THE END IS IN SIGHT!!!

Our home study FINALLY  got completed and sent to us and arrived at USCIS on Monday.  We waited Eight.  Long.  Weeks.  for the d@mn thing so its arrival was something to celebrate.  (The sad part is that the hold up had nothing to do with us.)  :/

BUT!

The paper chase is nearing its conclusion.  All of our remaining documents have been notarized and apostilled.

Aren't they beautiful??????

We are still waiting on our FBI clearance apostilles which was a whole other near crisis in its own right.  We sent our remaining documents to be apostilled, our home study to our Hague agency and our FBI clearances to be their fancy apostille place all at the same time.  All from the same post office.  And all via the same postal service (two day priority or whatever it is).  We got tracking numbers like we were supposed to.  So when the other two packets of things arrived at their destinations, were processed AND mailed back to us, I, of course, wondered where the third (and final freaking thing we are waiting on so we can send our completed dossier off) packet was.  So I logged on and checked the tracking number.  The only information it gave me was that it left the local post office May 9th.  It is now May 19th.  I drove like a mad woman up to the post office to have them track it further.  They're the post office, right?  Furthermore, they are the post office from which we mailed the documents.  They should have more information than I do, right?

WRONG.

They couldn't tell me any more than I already knew.  But they promised to look into it further and get back to me.  There was a phone number on the receipt with the tracking numbers (that I diligently put in the gilded folder that we keep all our adoption paperwork in) so I called to see if they could help.

DUMBEST IDEA ALL DAY.

The woman I spoke to was soooooooooo rude and condescending.  And STILL couldn't provide me with any more information other than the stupid package left our local post office ten days ago and was still en route.  When I mentioned that the other documents had arrived, been processed AND sent back to us already and that it had been almost two week since we mailed it, said postal worker snottily reminded me that ten days was, in fact, NOT two weeks.  I wanted to CHOKE this silly woman.  She said she'd take down more information and send it to her supervisor who would get back to me in two to three business days.  She asked me for the address that we mailed the document to and when I told her I didn't have it in front of me, she replied - again in that same holier than thou tone - that, "it's a bit hard to track a package without the address of its destination, ma'am".  No sh*t, Sherlock, but you're the stinking post office!  Shouldn't YOU know the address???  Needless to say, I tracked down the address, gave her the information so she could "get back to me" (yeah right) and hung up while mentally (and literally) flipping her off.  And the US Postal Service wonders why it is going bankrupt...

Since I had the address pulled up I looked to see if this government office in DC had a phone number.  You know, because I'd been having such good luck with government offices that day.  I found one and called, knowing full well I would NEVER actually get anyone on the phone.

BUT I DID!!!

And this woman in DC was so helpful and come to find out, our package HAD arrived.  On the 18th.  It took it nine days to get there.  Score yet another win for the US Postal Service.  But our FBI clearances will be back to us in 7-12 business days and then all the paperwork is done.  We are also fully funded (YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) so all that is left, essentially, is waiting for travel dates.

It's starting to get real, y'all.....

I know I've said it before but I cannot thank everyone enough for all the time, love, support and funding they have thrown our way.  It's been beyond amazing.  Stay tuned; it only gets better!

Miracle League

There is a special needs baseball league here in our county called The Miracle League.  I heard about this wonderful organization randomly on Facebook and decided to volunteer as a Buddy for one of the players. This was long before special needs adoption was on our radar so I volunteered just for fun.  After one game, I was hooked and the girls and I have been to nearly every game since they started in 2014.  I bring the girls with me to most games and they "buddy" right along beside me.  They have a blast and I feel like it teaches them a number of important things like helping others is fun. It also exposes them to a lot of different types of special needs so that they grow up comfortable with all kinds of people.

The league was founded by one of our local special needs moms.  She and her son had been involved with their local chapter of The Miracle League prior to moving here and when she found out there wasn't a club nearby, she started one.  The league has grown by leaps and bounds with each passing year.  Whereas before we weren't sure if we would have enough Buddies for each player, we now often times have too many Buddies and each player gets more than one.  We've had multiple elite baseball teams volunteer to come out and partner up with our players.  We also have a number of local high school kids who have been to every game.  Local photographers have donated their time to take team pictures and we've had some amazing donations from other area baseball leagues. The stands are full every week with people cheering on our players.  There are smiles on everyone's faces and the kids always play their hearts out.  It's awesome to watch a lot of these kids come out of their shells as they become more and more confident each week.

If you haven't heard of The Miracle League, check out the website. See if you have a local club. If you don't, start one. It is an amazing experience for those on and off the field.

And just think, come fall we will be out there not only as Buddies but with our very own Miracle League player. 😉

Shadow of a Doubt

I went to eat lunch at school with Aven yesterday.  She was so excited to see me since I had told her I wasn't 100% sure I was going to make it.  I brought Sonic per her request and when she saw me, she ran up to me, leaped into my arms and gave me an enormous hug.  We sat down at one of the lunch tables and started to eat.  

It wasn't long before another family came in and sat down next to us.  The mother was tall and thin.  Her hair was perfectly straight  - not a hair out of place - despite the rain.  She was wearing skinny jeans, designer rain boots and a tailored rain coat.  She had on just the right amount of make up.  Her husband looked casually cool in khaki shorts and a button-up shirt.  Their toddler son was wearing a similar button-up shirt with the perfectly on pointe for spring turquoise checks.  His shorts were navy blue cargo and he had on navy leather sandals.  Their daughter came in to the cafeteria wearing a cute flowered dress and white tights.  Her hair bow perfectly matched the dress and her silver shoes weren't missing a single sequin.  Her lunch box was leather and had her name etched into it.  Her mom opened her Greek yogurt and poured some berries into it.  She ate lunch meat and cheese roll-ups and drank water out of her Ozarka bottle.  There wasn't a piece of hair out of place on any of them.  No mud on their rain boots.  Their white tights were spotless.  

They were beautiful and perfect.  

And I suddenly felt completely and utterly inadequate in my dirty scrubs and tennis shoes, hair up in its perpetual ponytail (frizzy because of all the rain).  Aven - though always beautiful - was wearing a mismatching skirt and shirt and half her hair was falling out of her perpetual ponytail.  Her lunch box was faded canvas and we were sharing an incredibly unhealthy hamburger and french fries.  There was mud on my tennis shoes and I can guarantee that any white tights Aven has are spattered with stains.  Never mind that my kid is usually the one packing a salad for lunch or that I'd worked out for an hour already that morning.  Or that my scrubs, tennis shoes and pony tail were necessary for wrestling a 100 pound pig later that day.  Or - most importantly - that my daughter had eyes only for me for the entire half hour lunch period.  Yet it took something as small and simple as a family eating lunch to make me lose sight of all of that.   

Insecurity is a funny thing, isn't it?  An ugly thing.  It sneaks up on you and gets in your head, making even the most confident person doubt themselves.  I'll be honest; I'm normally a fairly confident person.  Not because I think I'm perfect but because I've learned over the years to recognize and accept my flaws and limitations for what they are: part of me but not what defines me.  I'm not going to get it right 100% of the time.  I know that.  Even so, I still struggle not to doubt myself or compare myself to others.

My point?  Lately these same doubts and insecurities have plagued my thoughts about our adoption.  Maybe it's the amount of time it is taking to get our home study back.  The lag in the paperwork process has given me way too much time to think.  What if this isn't the right decision?  What if we aren't a good family for Charlie?  Is there too much of an age gap between him and the girls?  Are we being unfair to the girls?  We only have girls - what if he wants a boy to play with?  Will he be able to make friends here?  Do I really want to purposefully go seeking out ways to be a "conspicuous family"?  I know my fears are normal.  I know that.  Even so, I struggle.  

I have to remind myself that as hard as it is for me to say, yes, this is the right decision (and it is), it is immeasurably harder for Charlie if I say no.  And that is all it takes to shift my perspective and focus back to where they need to be - on that sweet little boy who's only hope rests on the decisions of this imperfectly perfect family.  

How did you deal with your doubts and fears as you moved through the adoption process?

(FUN)draising

I have to admit that fundraising was/is the part of this whole process that I dread(ed) the most. I spent a lot of time thinking, ok, how many emergency shifts would I have to pick up in order to fund this thing...I had no idea how to find the time and motivation to get anything rolling and then what happened if it didn't amount to much??? (I'm sure everyone in our situation has had the same thoughts and fears.) But, as someone wise once said, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step so we just picked something and started there. Somewhere simple. And that has morphed into five different fundraisers. A few are already well on their way, a couple just started, some are still in the works but the one thing they all have in common? All of them have shown/reminded me how much love and support is out there, if only you're willing to ask. We have been absolutely OVERWHELMED by the amount of time, effort and money people want to give to Charlie. People keep telling us how awesome this thing is that we are doing but I look at the person donating $20 for a bag of cookies or the woman buying $50 worth of raffle tickets for a gift basket she doesn't really have a need for and I think, Y'ALL are the amazing ones. So thank you to everyone. We are once again completely humbled (there's that word again) and words cannot express how utterly grateful we are. Here's to you, Charlie!

 Here is a list of the fundraisers we have going on or planned. If you want to get in on the action, leave a comment and let me know.

Cookies for Charlie
This fundraiser came out because my five year old kept trying to give me her tooth fairy money. She'd tell me, Mama, I don't want it, why don't you give it to Charlie? I told her that was very sweet but that was her money. But, if she wanted to do something, we'd find a way for her to contribute. We decided to make cookies and put them on the front desk at my office. We put up a flyer explaining what she and her sisters were doing and asked people to donate what they wanted. I will be honest, I didn't think this would amount to much. Do you know that, in two weeks, those sweet treats have paid for both our home study and FBI fingerprints??? We've made at least five batches of cookies and even had people ask what was coming up next week because they wanted to buy more.

Center Court Spirit Night
One of the women I used to work with at the clinic is now working full-time at Center Court Pizza and Brew in Cinco Ranch. My technicians asked her about having a night where a percentage of the proceeds would go towards our adoption fund. She talked to her manager and he graciously agreed to do it! So, if you are in the Katy area on Thursday, April 28th, stop by and have lunch or dinner. Put your itemized receipt in the bucket and 10% of what you paid goes towards getting Charlie home. Pizza, craft beer and adoption - what more could you ask for??? Thank you, thank you, thank you, Lacey, Jackie, Marquie and Center Court - Cinco Ranch!

Gift Basket Give Away

We just started this fundraiser today and I am SOOOOOO excited about it! We made two HUGE gift baskets of heartworm and flea preventative, toys, food and treats for you and your pet (big shout out to our office manager Dawn for her amazing basket arranging skills!). Each of these baskets is valued at over $250. Each $1 donation buys you 1 chance to win and every $5 donation gets you 6 chances to win. The baskets are on display at Main Street Animal Hospital and, on April 30th, we will draw two random winners. We had an amazing response today and this was just day one; I cannot wait to see how the rest of the month goes! 

We have two more fundraisers in the works and I will definitely be updating you as we get those up and running. Tomi, owner of Farm to Market Produce, has offered to do a casserole fundraiser (and she makes some DELICIOUS food) and Shirley, the wonderful owner and director at the girls' day care Tender Care, mentioned a BBQ sandwich fundraiser in our honor to me when I picked the girls up this afternoon.

Have I mentioned how fantastic all this is???   Turns out fundraising isn't so bad after all.  =)